Sometimes there are no words to describe a situation. Things happen, and they don’t make any sense, and we can only look up at the sky and wonder why. Why everything. Why anything at all.
I’m alive and I don’t have any idea why or how I made it here. I just know that I am. And I know that I love people and yet bad things happen to them, through no fault of their own. I will not sugarcoat that. I refuse to cheapen the pain of an innocent people who suffer. And I think God is big enough to handle that questioning. Plus if God is real, and if he is who he says he is, he will help us understand. He will help us understand the reality of life and death.
Sometimes people can be cruel and evil and selfish, and they can do inconceivable bad.
But then there are good people. There are people like my Auntie Chris. Someone who was just such a good person to her core. Who lived her life for her family, and worked harder than anyone I know. Someone who loved me and cared about me my whole life. Someone who was the first one to help when it was needed. The first one to stand up and do dishes, the first one to make coffee, the first one to visit after a car accident.
This amazing woman has passed. I did not get to say goodbye and tell her how unbelievable I thought she was. One of my favorite things about getting older is that you’re able to get to know the adults in your life as friends, and you just start to see them as normal people kind of. Hanging out with Auntie Chris at family dinners is something I looked forward to. Visiting with her and hearing her thoughts about life, her hopes for her children, and reliving old memories. I often marvel at how men in my family have an uncanny ability to find the most exceptional women.
Auntie Chris wasn’t someone who would spew out empty words and hollow advice. Some people have so much to say but its just noise. She was just the opposite of that. Everything I know about my Auntie I know because she lived those things, because that is the person that she was, and so naturally her actions reflected her selflessness and her goodness. She was loving, and sincere, and strong. She was a woman of caliber, and all these things live on in her children. Marissa has her eyes and her smile and her laugh, Reeann has her quietness and her tenderness, and Brandon has her strength. And my Uncle Blair has her heart, and he always will. This is one of the wonders of love, it is one of the few things that live on after we are gone.
Auntie Chris, your love lives on in us.
She represents the kind of people that give me hope for humanity. Because how could good like that spring up for no reason? How could good people exist by chance? Usually the bad in the world points people away from God, but for me it’s the good found in certain people that points me towards Him.
I believe one day I’ll find myself outside this cage of skin and bones, and I’ll see my Auntie Chris and baby Caitlyn, the cousin I have yet to meet, and they’ll be waiting to greet me somewhere far beyond. Free from pain and suffering, I’ll hug her and we’ll both cry tears of unspeakable joy. I choose to believe this.
I choose to believe God is good, and that he hurts with us when we hurt, and he walks with us when we have nothing else to cling to. That he gives us peace when we can’t make sense of the tragedy.
Auntie Chris thank you for loving me, and I promise we’ll all take care of each other.